Feierabend Blues

Crossroads of Publishing & Finding My Writer's Voice

DALL-E/Max M. Illustration.

Even though I said I would not publish with a regular cadence on this Substack, I still want to keep you updated on what’s happening in my studio :) No short stories or flash fiction in the making currently, as all my writing time these past two months has been dedicated to finishing my second novel’s initial manuscript, and (hopefully) doing the last iteration of my first novel Feierabend. 

I’m far from sharing much about my second novel, but I’d love to take stock of the rollercoaster journey that Feierabend has been in the past months. 

A Recap of my early Feierabend Journey

I outlined the first plot for Feierabend last August and then wrote the first draft between October and November. After a brief rest, I edited and reworked it, and by mid-December, I sent my first manuscript to friends for detailed feedback. Their responses arrived in January, and by mid-February, I had a revised version ready for proofreading. 

In late 2023 and early 2024, I found myself in a constant back and forth between self-publishing and traditional publishing. I loved the speed of self-publishing and the full creative control, but also wanted the guidance and collaboration with experienced professionals you often get when you go for the traditional publishing route. I finally decided to first try the traditional path for all the learning it promised me.

So while a dear friend was wrapping up the proofreading, I started querying agents.

Querying Agents

I sent out my first fifteen queries to agents that I had carefully selected based on the authors they represented and the kind of works they were looking for. As carefully as a first-time author new to the industry can probably do ;) 

It was an exhilarating moment, and I was buzzing with energy for days, secretly dreaming of an agent who would fall in love with my book and fight for me to get it out to a massive audience. However, my rational self knew that this would be highly unlikely. The industry is so competitive, and many agents only read one out of hundreds of manuscripts they receive. 

The toughest part for me is that it’s industry standard for agents to not send any feedback when they reject your work. You are already lucky, when, after usually eight to twelve weeks, you receive a short notification that your work was rejected. Given the sheer volume agents receive, I don’t blame them. But as a writer, you look at a black box that tells you nothing about the rejection reasons. Is it the story, the theme, the style, the query letter itself? You don’t know. 

By mid-March, I had queried over forty-five agents. Rejections started trickling in by April. Initially, I was excited even by negative responses, as it meant someone had looked at my work. But as rejections piled up, doubts crept in. Was the book good enough? Was it commercially viable? Should I try to publish in German first? Should I just drop Feierabend, and move on to my next novel? 

Seeking Professional Help

By this time, I had already received in-depth feedback from seven test readers, my proofreader, as well as some good hints from two experienced editors and two agents on how I might improve Feierabend. In between querying, I had done further adjustments and refinements to the novel, but I could feel it wasn’t yet the book I wanted it to be.

Before I became a writer, I’ve always loved receiving feedback on how to improve my work and myself, yet, hearing criticism of your writing was harder than any feedback I had ever received. The work is so personal, and I probably have poured hundreds, maybe more than a thousand hours, into my novel. Nevertheless, I wanted to get more feedback. It was my first book, and I was convinced - and still am - that I have so much still to learn about writing the books I desire to create.

So I decided to hire a professional editor for an in-depth manuscript assessment. I really wanted to understand from somebody with 15+ years of industry experience how I could improve my book to not only make it better, but also speak to a bigger commercial audience. Three weeks ago, after a month of waiting eagerly, I received the invaluable twenty-page assessment. It is packed with insights and ideas, and I can’t wait to make Feierabend a much better read by incorporating many of the suggestions. I can’t share too much, of course, but trust me that the sharpening of character journeys and fleshing out of certain parts of the story will be only to the reader’s benefit ;)

Finding my “Writer’s voice”

However, there was also some key feedback on introducing certain elements to Feierabend that would turn it into a very different kind of book, the kind I did not want it to be. This realization was maybe the most valuable insight coming out of the assessment. Since I picked up writing seriously, I’ve learned so much about the craft of writing a novel - plotting, character creation, world building, scene setting, style and tone, etc. I keep learning every week, every time I sit down in front of my keyboard and start working.

However, I realized that the hardest part to figure out as a writer is not the actual craft. It is to gain clarity on what kind of book you want to write. You can learn all the writing skills in the world, but if you have no clear vision on the unique personality of the novel you are giving life to, you will just get lost in all the feedback and market advice on what makes a great book. 

Don’t get me wrong, every writer should read a lot and learn from what is successful. After all, I do not want to write a book just for my own pleasure, a book that nobody else would care to read. That wouldn't give me meaning nor joy. Yet, I want to write a book that has certain readers in mind and that truly adds something novel to our collective literary works, something different in its plot, style, and character depiction. 

The Path Forward

As I write these lines to you, I feel a surge of energy and eagerness. Learning from my writers’ community and my editor's encouragement, I’ve decided to take the self-publishing route. It will allow me to publish Feierabend the way I envision it. 

It won’t be a typical sci-fi thriller, but a genre-combining book exploring some profoundly human questions in a future where work becomes obsolete. With characters who develop in very real ways on the page, a world whose dynamics feel tangible, and actors that can never be easily categorized as the typical protagonists and antagonists of a fictitious world. 

With some luck, the right readers will find their way to it. And I can’t wait to hear their thoughts about Feierabend. 

What’s Next

The next two months will be intense with more editing, proofreading, formatting, and preparing for self-publishing in early fall. I’ll share updates as we get closer to the publishing date. Exciting months ahead :)

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Any questions on Feierabend or my writing journey? Tell me in the comments.

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Thank you for reading my writing! This post is public, so feel free to share it.

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